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    My crushed words

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    Life's too short to leave the important words unsaid!! consider things left unsaid and my thoughts unexpressed that may be valuable to u...& I promise you will have precious time !!!

    Saturday, 7 April 2018

    Snakes and ladders

    The universe has no special favourites. If we open our eyes consciously & look around, we will realise that whatever we have experienced, experiencing may have been our fellow being's experience yesterday or will be our neighbour's experience tomorrow. Right?

    Human life is really strange, mysterious, paradoxical and uncertain. The heartrending and painful cry of "why me?", comes naturally to every one of us, it seems.

    A few months ago, I had merely the worst part of my life. It was a pain meet like a parent's meet!


     And above all agony, it really pains when you see your mother weeping out of pain. Yeah, she suffered from later stages of Adenomyosis. So, we admitted her to a prestigious multi speciality hospital in Chennai. Almost, we had been there for a month merely.

    But that One month, meant a lot to me & I never thought I would be writing this; at least this is what that each day there put me into. 

    As all the deluxe and single rooms were engaged, we had no way than to opt for a semi-private room. And that I would see as a blessing in a disguise. 


    The woman in the immediately followed bed was as old beyond a natural lifespan and paying the price. While her heart beats stubbornly within her pigeon chest, her skin was so fragile it ruptures on anything more than the softest of touches. The open eyes were not focused but moved randomly, white, obscured with cataracts so completely that I could not tell her eye colour. Her hair was wispy over a scalp that shows signs of pressure sores, pink from the constant contact with pillow or chair.  Since the doctor came to assess her, I raised my voice and called her "Paati Paati, can you hear me? After no reaction, the doctor then smiled at me told that she was still in there alright, just deaf and blind. 

    I was devoid of my reactions. 

    And in the bed being directly across our bed, a young woman was trying to open her eyes slowly after a quiet time she was under wakefulness. Amidst, I heard a sudden loud cry of a boy. I turned back instantly where I saw a boy, bandaged from head to toe. He was whimpering in pain. His eyes spoke of a terror that I could only imagine but had never experienced. There was blood on his forehead and he kept saying, “Amma Amma”, but no mother ran to nurse his wounds or coo comforting words to the wounded seven-year-old. Not that she didn’t want to, but she couldn’t. She was battling for her own life in the ICU of the same hospital. I was horrified by what I saw.

    And that young woman held my hand that made me inattentive from the little boy crying. It seemed like, she has something to tell me. And I let a plastic smile on her. Plastic smile! Yes. I was totally broken with all that happened there. 
    She pointed the bottle at the terminal of short, the small plastic tube that tracked from her vein. Some intravenous fluids were directed as drips. It was about to over, that she wanted me to inform the nurse. I smiled again and said, "okay, wait!"

    "I was talking about the...", she said in a soft, shallow voice. 

    "What?", I said and went near her bed and sat.

    "I was talking about the cornerstone of our very existence, 'the DNA' to a panel of eminent scientists. I was deeply engrossed in my presentation and that was when I felt like urinating. Yeah, it was around 1 a.m.! Fooled by the woolgathering, I woke up to nature's call. And that was when 'the pain' started to crawl....slowly towards my loins. It was very excruciating. I have  rough experiences of the renal calculi(Kidney stones in medical terms)."

    She continued.

    "You could never imagine what these tiny monsters could do when they take this journey from kidney to ureter. I could not find the emergency tablet I was trying to stay calm amidst the unimaginable pain, I didn't want to wake my parents at an odd hour like that. All my attempts to the washroom were an utter failure, but it did succeed in waking up my father from his sound sleep. And its all the story I got admitted here", she said.

    I let a smile, not plastic now!

    Since I stayed there in the hospital for last two days, my sister replaced me for taking care of mom and so I and Appa left. And that night, when I went to bed, myriad horrendous images kept playing into my mind until I finally found comfort with my Appa's words. 

    "Why, why, why, Appa, why is there so much suffering??" 
    I cried and cribbed telling him all that was not okay that day.
    He held my hand in his warm and said, "Pain is a consequence, but suffering is your choice."

    Not understanding what he meant, I looked at him indigently. He smiled and said, "Pleasure is when everything is going your way. Pain is something that is not going the way you wanted it. So the question should have n't been, "why there is so much suffering?"....It should have been," how can I ensure that even though there is the pain, there is no suffering?"

    Thoroughly confused I stared at him. He stared back at me until I finally started giggling and said, "Okay, now please explain it all"

    "You see...", he started.

    "Ladders are the times when things go exactly the way you want them to and you find yourself, literally 'on the top'. Snakes are the variety of problems that come to bite you just when you think life is all beautiful.
    The snake in your life could be a heart attack, cancer or paralysis. The snake in your life can be a divorce, death of a loved one or not having enough fulfilling relationships surrounding you. 

    The snake could even be self-created emotions like jealousy, hatred or low self-esteem or it could be being in debt, business plans backfiring or simply never having enough money to do all that you want. 

    Of course, it could be external catastrophes such as natural and man-made disasters. Yes, the snakes come in various shapes and sizes, & bite you just when you think you have got it all figured out. But tell me, how boring life would be if there are ladders and ladders only?

    For, while ladders make you feel good about yourself. But, it's the snakes that challenge you to improve yourself-  explore a new thought & grow. It's the snakes that give you the thrill of reaching the finish in spite of them biting you all along the way. Snakes add excitement to the life.

    Snakes tell you that there is something wrong with the way you were going- rethink, re-plan & set off once again. Snakes reveal you to yourself."

    There must have been some understanding, some comprehension of all that was being said reflected in my eyes. He smiled and continued.

    "When life throws a challenge at you- it's its own way of checking whether you have evolved or not.Your old pattern of thinking and self-beliefs brought you this snake- but are you willing to change them and climb a higher ladder is your evolution. Imagine life being a school. After the seventh standard, why were you promoted to eight standards? Imagine if you were to continue being in the seventh standard for years, would it be exciting?

    You would know the portion by heart & even if each year, you would top the class, wouldn't there be a desire to evolve? To grow? To go to the nest standard? To test yourself with a newer challenge, more difficult sums, more unknown experiences?
    Then why not with life?

    I know that it pains him more than me since the woman I have been worrying about is his "wife". But still, he convinces me. And it has been his habitual action to make me wonder at him with awe.

    "However bad the traffic jam, maybe, eventually we will reach home.", he said smiling and switched off the lights and went out. 

    I slept with a conclusion that life beyond the imaginary finishing line is and will be beautiful.





    With smiles...
    Swathi Mohan
    (Investing myself completely in the art of living)





















    Monday, 19 March 2018

    Dreams

    Last weekend was not as habitual as like before. It was the very rare "busy" occasion of my life. Sometimes it really seems very funny when I think that I was busy with something in my life. Yes! I was actively engaged in the design of omnidirectional antenna which covers 10-20 Km from its circumferent. Well, it wasn't my engineering project!

    In between, I heard my sister's voice screaming, "where the hell she is....". 
    The whole lot of books I mounted on my bookshelf have fallen on her head for continuous 2-3 minutes. I instantly put off everything thing and went out to enjoy the scenario.


    After that delighting scenario, I slowly let my hand and said, "Why did you go there. Don't you know that it is a menacing part of our home." She glared and I just couldn't control my laugh. She got up and ran to the kitchen to complain this unplanned "layout" to mom. This sought of grumbling, she never fails to do even at her tough times. As she triggered amma, she started her stories. It went on for no less than twenty minutes from then, even after I kept shut myself in my room. 

    Eventually, she came into my room with a pile of paper and told me to check out so that she can replace those with onions. She has been telling that since my exams were over and now this stupid girl triggered. I looked at her with a congenial consent and asked, "Should it be done right away? I'm wrapped up with this antenna design now!".

    She was having a solid and shouted, "Yes you should now!. If not now, I know it will never happen. Do it now I say".

    "Okay two minutes", I sought. She glared again.
    After some twenty minutes, I checked it for anything important. There I found a paper and stunned. Of course, it was n't a paper engraved with gold or home document. But it was very special to me.

    Some two years back, I had doodled something on it. I had dashed off what all I wanted to do within the course of time, I would complete my engineering. Well, all that had filled the space called "passion" of my life.

    Yeah. Indeed. I scribbled but did that with full determination and then kept this paper somewhere in my cupboard. I ever looked at this paper later.

    And today I look at it with excitement because I have made it all. Everything has happened in a time-bound manner & now it has incorporated in me a lot of confidence.

    I'm never a kind of person who plans work & does it accordingly. I'm never so formal in such aspects of my life.Anyways, what I wanted to conclude is, 
    "The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus &
      Dreams need only focus".

    With smiles...
    Swathi Mohan
    (Investing myself completely in the art of living)
       


    Sunday, 18 March 2018

    Attitudinal handicaps

    I could recall a young woman whom I came across one day. Manoeuvring her wheelchair outside an aquarium, a smile on her face, an infant on her lap and another older child running by her side, she was a picture of resilience. I was moved and inspired by her zest for life. I don't know about whether her disability was from birth or caused by an accident, but I know that she had found a way around it. And nothing could stop her from going after what she wanted. She had decidedly become the master of her body with an attitudinal advantage, raising the bar to a completely different level.

    In that case, don't you think many of us are attitudinal handicaps?


    When something doesn't work our way, many a time we give up on it without making too much of an effort. In the face of a hurdle, we try to go around it instead of over it, only to be faced with it again a little later.

    What one needs more than anything else to live a great life is the right attitude!


    When we find ourselves in a dark tunnel, we have to remind ourselves that there is light somewhere. on learning to embrace life with the fullness of our capacities, we will begin to experience a liberation that comes from the knowledge that nothing can hold us back from getting what we want if only we can wrestle the inertia at the beginning. There are countless inspirational stories about people who have risen against all the odds to ride the waves of success and all they possessed at the starting point was the right attitude!


    They moved on, one step at a time, allowing nothing to hold them back. The future awaits us. 


    With smiles...
    Swathi Mohan
    (Investing myself in the art of living)


    Saturday, 17 March 2018

    We haven't!

    Our life began with the 60-rupee toy car. When it broke we cried. Then we upgraded ourselves to the 2000-rupee remote controlled car.When that got damaged we wept. Then we gifted the 20,000-rupee battery operated car. When that stopped functioning, we were depressed. Then came the 4 lakh car, after that 22-lakh SUV, followed by  36-lakh luxury Sedan. And every time something happened to this machine, whether a scratch or a dent, the mercury of our tensions and worries went up. All in all, it seems our toys have grownbut we haven't.

    "Why does she tell this now?"

    You wonder, right?

    I don't mean literally 'toys' here. But this one, ' but we haven't'...I mean it literally!

    Today I write this post because it really pains to see someone who guarded her life so well, & never reacted to any rumour being ridiculed for her death.

    They say beauty and talent are a rare combination. She was!

    Though she was an introvert, she was considerate, conservative and accommodating with all the people she worked with. She was always busy with heavy call sheets, shuttling between shooting spots and dubbing studios. Yet she was extremely professional, courteous, very respectful towards every technician. She was flexible and calm, & never threw tantrums. She stayed away from the spotlight to bring her children up. Her success & career were commendable that no other actor could have worked across so many languages in so many films.

    Yes! I'm talking about actress Sridevi Kapoor.

                                          

    People knew her say that she was a very strong-willed woman, who could take her own decisions. However, she depended a lot on her family- father, mother, sister, brother in the early stages of her career and eventually on her husband.


    Well, that's not something I wanted to talk about.

    She was mercilessly trolled a week before.

    I would rather say, conspiracy theorists worked overtime about her death, gossips 'revealed' her private life, other spoke of cosmetic procedure & of slimming pills.

    She was trolled for the fact that she boozed and died that she no more deserves to be embalmed and be cremated with state honour. It genuinely leaves me in a daze. How can people be so impractical and unsporting?

    What if, she drinks? People have been brewing for thousands of years. Don't we come across women being beaten by drunken husbands in the newspapers daily?


    She took a break from acting just to raise her two daughters. She was not seen very often; either on-screen or off it. I read a beautiful experience shared by Priyadharshan, acclaimed filmmaker. He had mentioned about Sridevi's birthday party he had taken part, where Sridevi had told her younger daughter Janhvi to pull her dress up in front of him. Surprised Priyadharshan had asked her about it and she had replied, "Priyan, this generation is ignorant. Modern dresses are okay, but one needs to be respectable also"

    When people good for nothing contributing null to the nation can still drink and hurt others, what bothers some to troll such a kinda woman who brought unreasonable and inordinate self-esteem to our nation?


    Didn't we all take pride in her success antecedently?


    Or, does it mean that her attributes and entity were counterfeit and make her an imposter? No. Right? 

    The Maharashtra government made arrangements for the elaborate event and the Mumbai police band joined them. She was honoured with a gun salute and draped in the national flag. It was indeed an accolade done for her talents, hard work, passion and determination she had for her career and the awards fetched.


    So, don't troll just as you wish. Social media is powerful, not this way!

    Now, go back to the first stanza. You will reach out my idea.

    With smiles...

    Swathi Mohan
    (Investing myself completely in the art of living)





    Friday, 16 March 2018

    Secret's secret



    On a random day, a text message pops up, something similar, which says:
    ·         “I want to share something very important with you. Promise me, you will             keep it secret.”
    ·         “A, can I ask you something?” Please don’t mind.

    Curiosities from all over the world come to your mind. What are they going to share/ask?
    Where your heart starts beating at the speed of light. And lots of questions/probabilities/scenarios/dark secrets start running through your mind.
    You say, “Yeah sure go ahead. Shoot.”
    And here you get the legendary reply,
    ·         “Leave it, I can’t share it with you.”
    ·         “I won’t ask, You will get angry.”
    Yeah right???? 

    After having all those curiosities, that you have created in my mind, you reply with this!? Well, in these situations I have my own reply;“OK.”

    This kinda reply makes me irritated, but still, it happens.

    But, this is not the end. In case they share your secret. A secret for which you have sworn that you will take it to your grave. And suddenly, you come to know about that secret from a third person.
    And you were like, how did you come to know about this? It has to be secretive. And they reply, “Well! he/she (Mostly she) told me not to share with anyone.” Please let it be a secret.
    Now you have sworn another oath about the secret to keeping it secret, where you already know the secret.
    Irony! 

    SECRET    is something you tell everybody to tell nobody.
    And now you don't tell anyone. Okay? 

    With smiles...
    Swathi Mohan
    (Investing myself in the art of living)